I can't take this.

I can’t take the pressure - it’s too much. There’s so much expected of me and I can’t do it. The amount isn’t like what it was last year - this is much worse. I have to be musically competent to the point of damn good and I have to jump through fire to please the people around me. I have to ‘do my family justice’ like how all my other cousins did it. But I’m different - I can’t take it. There’s too much to to, too little time and it’s killing me.

It’s like they expect me to do everything ‘I’m meant to’ while following my dreams. I mean if all I’m expected to do is get high grades and nothing else, that can be done. But things I can’t do are the ones that are being expected of me ALL AT ONCE. I have to do Cherubim, supply this gigantic instrument to an ethnic dance contest we HAVE to win and they still expect me to juggle school AND writing?

I see it as slave-driving.

I hate it. All I want to do is effin’ sleep and write. I don’t want to be judged, I don’t want to be called ‘weak’ because I’m can’t juggle school and Cherubim.

In the back of my mind, I have a hunch that I didn’t win the Palanca. I didn’t. I’m gonna get depressed and everything and I won’t be able to write for months. I hate rejection and this means that I’m not a good writer because if I can’t even win a Palanca, what do people ACTUALLY think of my writing?

UGH. I hate my life - I hate everything about what I’m ‘meant to do’ and I wanna get rid of it.